David, You Are Now Responsible

Would you like to know what is the most lasting memory of my wedding day? After 35 years, now, much has faded away. But there’s one thing I will never forget. It made more of an impression on me than the wedding itself. More than seeing my beautiful, wonderful bride come down the aisle. More impressive even than having the governor of Arizona attend the wedding. And it certainly helps me forget the memory of stepping on Carol’s gown as we walked down the aisle as husband and wife.

It was actually the next morning, as we were driving out of town for a few days of honeymoon. I was driving my very special 64 Chevy pickup (short wide bed, tuck and roll upholstery, rebuilt V-8 engine, shiny moon hubcaps, and an 8-track tape player). Carol was sitting right close beside me, and I had a box of Dunkin Donuts on the far end of the seat. Then this incredible feeling of responsibility came over me. It was more of a feeling than a voice from God, but I knew it was from Him. I felt impressed upon me the enormous responsibility for this woman next to me. I was no longer a boy dating and courting a young lady. I was not to treat her as a woman that I now got to merely enjoy have living in my home with me. She wasn’t some cute little Barbie doll, sex object. Not even just a good friend to hang out with. I was now taking a big huge step in growing up. I was now responsible to love her, care for her, protect her, encourage her, provide for her. All of that came over me and sunk into me. Without words. Just an overwhelming sense of responsibility. And I have never forgotten it.

Whenever I talk about the roles of husbands and wives I offer my commentary on Ephesians 5. “Husbands need to love their wives enough to die for them. Wives should love their husbands enough to live for them.” But I recently heard a wise godly man say something that sheds even greater light on that statement, especially for the husband. He said that the purpose of marriage is crucifixion. When we men are young and full of testosterone we think the purpose of marriage is to have sex with a beautiful woman, a bride just for me. As we grow older we progress to a bit more noble concept, that marriage is for loyal companionship. That is what the Creator acknowledged of Adam’s need when he created Eve. But this idea of crucifixion kind of caught my frontal lobe. He said that God designed marriage to help heal us men of self-centeredness and to make us grow up. To be the head of the household means to be first to the cross.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)