Men With Root Rot

When I first got my tree farm some fifteen years ago I hired a friend to manage the initial logging operation. I would come by to check on the progress just about every day.  As the crew worked their way through the stand of Douglas Fir they came to one tall, majestic tree, the king of the forest in my opinion.  But the loggers waved me over and took me on a walk to the back side of that tree. They had some bad news to tell me. They pointed up about thirty feet where sap was pouring out of the tree’s trunk. “This tree has laminated root rot” they said,” and it’s no good for timber. The rot extends well up into the tree and the lumber would be pithy and worthless. So, we are going to just leave it standing for now. With root rot that bad it won’t be long before a wind will blow it over, especially now that the other trees are being cut away.”

This story is about men, though, not about trees. Men with rot root. Men who are tall and majestic looking, but whose roots have rotted away.  Ready to blow over when that unexpected wind storm buffets them and they can no longer stand upright.

Every week he would say to me the same thing when I asked him how things were going. He was usually holding on to one or both of his small children, diaper bag draped over his shoulder, standing alone while his wife was off and about chatting with family and friends. He was a really nice guy, very likeable, always smiling. And he knew and loved the Lord. But every week he would say to me, “Oh, I’m just living the dream.” And I would walk away thinking to myself, what dream is he talking about.  His wife teaches full time and she negotiated with him to give up his employment and stay at home to watch the kids rather than hiring childcare. She gets up in front of the church with her ministry endeavors while he is in the back holding onto the kids.

I mean, I am no professional arborist or seasoned logger, but when it comes to men I can see the sap running out of the tree trunk thirty feet up. I know when the roots are getting rotten and the source of life is being cut off. I wondered about the dream he said he was living. So, one time I greeted him and he gave me the same-o, same-o, “Oh, just living the dream”.  I stood there with my hand on his shoulder for a good long time looking him eye to eye. Finally, I spoke, “That doesn’t mean a thing to me.” His whole demeanor changed, like he had been exposed. His face dropped, and in measured response he simply said, “Yeah, I know.”

God designed men and women differently.  I am yet to figure out how women are designed, but I think I know men pretty well. God put into the heart of men to be a protector, to be a provider, to be a leader. He will rise to the occasion, take action, and take risks, all because he is a lover who wants to meet the deepest needs of the one he loves. That’s his heartbeat, and unless he is derailed or he’s damaged goods he will do his best to live out his design for his woman and his family. He may not do it perfectly (I certainly did not), but he does not want to be demeaned or usurped. Because then he will withdraw. In fact, what he really, really wants is respect. He doesn’t want a note with hearts and kisses on it saying how much he is loved. No, just tell him how much you appreciate and respect his effort, his sacrifice, his thoughtful decisions. Men need respect, whereas women want to be loved (Eph 5:33). Men need encouragement and freedom to live out God’s design. Otherwise, root rot may bring the tree crashing down.