Fences Make Good Neighbors

Was I ever stupid!  My neighbor’s carrots and beets were wilting, and there was no hiding the evidence that I was the culprit.  I can’t hardly remember a more humiliating moment.

I sprayed the weeds in my yard periodically.  Dandelions mainly, plus a few other pesky weeds.  But my neighbor didn’t do anything with her weeds.  And I was sure that her weeds were the source of my weeds.  Those little fluff-ball dandelion seeds were blowing through the chain link fence over into my yard, sprouting, growing, and giving me grief.  So the only way I was going to control my weeds was to reach over the fence and spray her weeds, too.  So I thought.

But she had a garden growing over there, too.  And she must have been an early purveyor of organic gardening.  She let the weeds grow in the garden just as much as in the yard.  So my dilemma was that I wasn’t sure how close to the vegetables I could spray and still be safe.

In about four or five days the truth came out.  The over spray was wilting her vegetables.  Lots of vegetables.  And it was obvious what caused it. The weeds were wilting, too, just like the vegetables.  They both had the same chemical sprayed on them.

Was I ever stupid!  Fences have meaning, they serve a purpose.  They define a very important, personal boundary.  If I wanted to be fastidious about my weeds, that was one thing.  But for me to reach over her fence and presume to make her be and act like me was so wrong.  It taught me a life-long lesson, that whatever may bother me about other people is usually not of much consequence.  Not at all.  And to breach the personal boundary, the fence, and try to make them be like me is horribly offensive.  That is what Paul meant when he wrote at length to the Romans, “Accept one another” (Romans 15:7).

Maybe the worst part was that I had never befriended this neighbor, never talked to her much, never praised her for her garden, never helped her with anything.  Which made the confrontation all the more difficult when my incredible insensitivity became obvious.  I may have even been so stupid as to not even apologize, but try to put the blame back on her.  Like I say, “was I ever stupid”.

There’s another life lesson here, one which I have been so slow to understand..  Whenever I see someone who needs to address something in their life, I have no right to fix that person, nor any hope of helping, if I do not first have a trusting, loving relationship.  Otherwise I come across only as arrogant, harsh, demanding, corrective, or condescending.  That’s true with my friends, my neighbor, my kids, even my wife.  Relationship over position.  Love before advice.

God is the same with me.  He doesn’t try to fix anything in me until he knows I am trusting His love.  Relationships are far more important than having everything fixed or perfect.

Love changes hearts.  Truth changes direction.