Band of Brothers. Not!

The whole purpose of a Band of Brothers, they say, is to trust a few guys with my real self. To quit trying to do life on my own -- hiding my struggles, my doubts, my shame -- and take off the mask of pretending to always be on top of my game. Being real, vulnerable, loving, trusting, and healing, they say, makes it far more difficult for the enemy to get in and destroy. Experiencing true love and trust, they say, forms strong strands, like a rope, that will help to protect me and my family.

  

“Band of Brothers” purports the merits of teamwork. Every member of the team looks out for the others, so that the strength of the whole is far greater than the sum of the parts. That’s great talk, and it’s probably true of sports and the military. But it doesn’t work in real life.

Being authentic, real, and vulnerable with anyone, let alone with a small group of men, is downright foolish. I have come to the conclusion that the risk is greater than the reward.  After all, it’s a dog eat dog world out there. I have to look tough. I have to carry an air of confidence and dominance.  I can’t let anyone see a crack in my armor if I hope to come out on top. I can size them up – let the weak stumble, I’ll be the last man standing. I can take care of myself, thank you. Humility is for the weak. If I were to ever share my failure, my shame, or my needs, it would only come back to bite me. Guaranteed.

I mean, why would I ever trust another man with me? Do you think that I can’t see myself accurately, that I might actually deceive myself? Get real -- man is master of his own soul. Your insight and assessment is certainly no better than my own. I can spot lies and false beliefs a mile away… I don’t need your help.

And why would I ever think that I need love from another man? I think I can be a pretty good lover of mankind, even if I don’t allow others to love me. It’s a lot easier just to give love than to receive it, it’s not so messy, and it’s on my terms.

And that fluff-stuff from Solomon is sheer tom-foolery -- that thing about a man falling and needing someone to help him up, or a man who gets cold and needs another to warm him. Oh my, let’s not even go there. If I fall down I certainly am not going to let anyone know about it. Oh, you think I may not even know it when I fall? I’ll figure it out on my own, thank you. And if I do fall, I’ll get up on my own, even if I have to crawl up the wall by my fingernails. I’ll let you know when I have problems with my prostate, my back, my heart, or when I get cancer. But don’t expect me to tell you about my hurt, my pain, my failure, or my confusion.

Cold – what’s cold?  Don’t expect me to cuddle up to some guy to get warm. If I get cold I’ll just hide it and protect myself. If I withdraw from God I suppose that’s just where I want to be for a while. When I want to get warm I’ll do it on my own, thank you.

Besides, even if I wanted such a thing, a Band of Brothers, where would I even start to find a friend or two who truly have a similar heart for God. Okay, I admit it, sometimes I have this deep desire to have a really close friend, someone who shares the yoke of Christ with me. But it takes too much courage and commitment. Far easier, I think, to just have fishing buddies. You know what I mean. It’s hard to want something you’re not sure even exists.

Don’t get me wrong, now. I’ll still go to church regular. I’ll even be a part of a Bible study group. Might even help with the kids’ ministry or serve on a committee. Busy, busy, busy! You can count on me for all of that. Just don’t ask me to get emotional, any of that sort of stuff, or open up and be real and trust someone else with anything more than what I am comfortable with. No one goes looking to be embarrassed. Keep things on the surface. That’s what’s safe, in my book. That’s the way I was brought up, that’s the way I am, so don’t expect me to change.

I used to teach the importance of an environment of grace. A band of brothers. But I think I’ll put all that stuff on the bottom of the stack, now. I’m going with a new motto from here on out.  God helps those who help themselves. If that ain’t in the Bible, it should be. It’s gospel truth.