My Precious

My precious, tormented little girl. What have I done to her? Only twelve years old – this cute, vivacious, young, red-headed daughter of mine. She cut her wrists. So tormented that she would think of trying to end her life.

The police car drove up in front of the house and I walked out to see what he wanted. He told me that he had my daughter in the car. He had picked her up down at the grade school, a few blocks away, where some other kids had found her bleeding and cutting her wrists. She was safe, the wounds were not serious, he said, but he was taking her to the hospital.

When we got to the Emergency Room we were in a daze. Who do we ask? What do we do? Where is our daughter? The policeman just watched me as I wandered around. I felt like he was sizing me up as the perpetrator, rather than a concerned Dad. I already felt like a failure of a father, and he made me feel all the worse.

Starting about six months earlier she had started cutting herself, and would tell classmates of her thoughts about suicide. It became such an issue that the Christian School where she attended asked us to withdraw her before the end of the school year. The next year she started attending Junior High at a public school. She gravitated toward some friends of whom I didn’t really approve. And it was one of my harsh confrontations with her over these friends that precipitated the actual suicide attempt.

The hospital admitted her and kept her in the psych ward for a week. We visited and got some advice and counsel on how to help her. Over time she was actually diagnosed to suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder. But more importantly, we were put in contact with a crisis and adolescent counselor with whom the three of us met for quite a long time. He was a Jewish man, very wise and skillful. Our daughter healed slowly, as we became aware of our own needs to change in helping her through some very difficult years.

We made a definite decision to keep our daughter out of school, and teach her at home. Carol enjoyed finding books and curriculum to have her read and study. And then she got interested in horses. As that interest grew and blossomed it gave her an objective to pursue and an outlet to express herself.

Several years later she surprised us. We could tell at the family Christmas get together that she wasn’t quite herself. We walked her out to her car after everyone else had left. She said she had something to tell us. But she kept us on pins and needles for 24 hours, until finally she told us that she had gotten married a few weeks earlier. I guess we had learned not to be shocked or startled. In fact, we were actually able to be happy for her. The next evening we went out to dinner to meet her new husband. They now have two wonderful children. The oldest is another cute, adorable, lively little red headed girl, my precious grand daughter.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom… And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus… Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3: 16, 17, 21)